Caskets at Dover Air Force Base

Bush Defends Ban on War Grief

President Calls on Nation to Forget War's Human Cost

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush on Thursday defended his decision to exclude grief from U.S. war coverage, saying that lost lives and limbs show that the "evildoers still hate us" and thus confirm that we are "on the path of freedom."

The president, making his first appearance at a funeral for Americans killed in Iraq, posed beside a flag draped coffin and claimed that death is "no big deal." Bush's happy-face policy calls for cheerful optimism in the wake of the mounting death toll in Operation Sitting Duck, a deepening war risking the lives of 160,000 of America's finest young men and women. (Full Story)

Thumbs Up from Abu Gharaib

Bush Declares "Major Sexual Operations Are Over"

Bush Appoints Schwarzenegger Warden of Iraq

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush appointed California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Warden of Iraq yesterday, promising the U.S. would get to the bottom of the Abu Ghraib sex abuse scandal once and for all.  "It is time to put the hypercriticism to rest and find out how we are completely innocent," said Bush in a national radio address.

"No one probes more thoroughly than I do," added Schwarzenegger from Sacramento. (Full Story)

Bush Halo

"Bush Chosen by God," Faithful Report

Christ-like Image Unmistakable

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Norman, OK — President Bush is seen by many of his supporters as an answer to their prayers. "He was hand picked by the man upstairs and that's good enough for me," gushes Tammy Foster, a spot welder from Norman, Oklahoma...

"There was only one Jesus," Bush whispered during a recent Sunday service, "but in all humility I probably come closer to him than anyone else this millennium." Bush reiterated his view that U.S. Mideast policy would bring on Armageddon and give the gift of the Second Coming to all humanity. Given the upsurge in demand for fissionable materials in Iran and Pakistan following the U.S. invasion of Iraq, his expectations appear to be amply justified... (Full Story)

Al Queda Bombers

Al Qaeda Bombers Endorse Bush

Terrorists Thank Allah For America's 'Holy Idiot'

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Cairo, Egypt — An Islamic militant group claiming responsibility for the train bombings in Spain endorsed a second term for President George W. Bush yesterday, praising his "idiocy and religious fanaticism," which the group said is helping to "wake up" the Islamic world.

In the statement, the group praised Allah for raising up the perfect leader to advance their cause, citing direct and plenary inspiration in Bush's calling the War on Terror a "crusade," turning the stomach of the entire world with constant lying and aggression, and placing thousands of U.S. soldiers in hopeless battle positions in the heart of the Middle East. (Full Story)

Bush at Press Conference

"Drug Prices Too Low" Declares Bush

Pharmaceutical Executives Face Mothballing Their Yachts

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush recommended price supports for the ailing drug industry during a stopover at a major manufacturing facility. According to a recent study by the drug industry, profits have dipped to 30% in the first half of 2004, setting off alarms bells throughout Wall Street. Congress has demanded action.

Between calls for cheap Cipro for anthrax victims and affordable antiretrovirals for AIDS patients, pharmaceutical executives are hardly able to maintain their yachts and palaces. And without these, the American economy will surely collapse, as literally millions of jobs depend on maintaining the billionaire lifestyle. (Full Story)

Cheney on Iraq Bloodbath: "Exactly The Right Thing To Do"

Vice-President Lashes Out At Senator Edwards For Undistinguished Record

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC —

Vice President Dick Cheney proudly claimed the Bush Administration's bloodsoaked record in Iraq as a success story and blasted Senator John Edwards of North Carolina for having an undistinguished record in the Senate in last night's Vice Presidential debates.

Cheney insisted the world is safer today thanks to the widening catastrophe in Iraq, which is proving a breeding grounds for Al Qaeda terror that did not exist in the country prior to the U.S. invasion. Cheney said if he had it to do all over again, he gladly would.

It's important to look at all of our developments in Iraq within the broader context of the global war on terror, Cheney said. This includes the soaring popularity of Osama Bin Laden, growing legions of recruits eager to serve his cause, and increasing hatred and disgust with Washington throughout the world.

Cheney denied ever suggesting a link between Iraq and the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. "I have not suggested there's a connection between Iraq and 9/11, but there's clearly an established Iraqi track record with terror." True enough. Iraq gassed Iran and later the Kurds with the full support of the Reagan Administration, whose Commerce Department arranged for Saddam Hussein to receive the materials he needed for his WMD program. Washington also provided satellite intelligence to help direct the gas attacks on Iran.

Reagan Middle East envoy Donald Rumsfeld was instrumental in carrying out these memorable achievements.

(Full Story)

George Bush laughs off a question on the draft by calling it a "rumor on the internets." His sweat then causes his secret wired earpiece to spark and set his suit on fire, which John Kerry extinguishes with his pack of concealed notes. More at fafblog.

From the real FactCheck.org:

Cheney got our domain name wrong -- calling us "FactCheck.com" -- and wrongly implied that we had rebutted allegations Edwards was making about what Cheney had done as chief executive officer of Halliburton. In fact, we did post an article pointing out that Cheney hasn't profited personally while in office from Halliburton's Iraq contracts, as falsely implied by a Kerry TV ad. But Edwards was talking about Cheney's responsibility for earlier Halliburton troubles. And in fact, Edwards was mostly right.

Cheney, wringing his hands, looked like he was going to eat Edwards. Boil him and eat him.

Without a Trace

Recently the Kerry-Edwards campaign blog removed the Bush2004 link, visitors to the Kerry blog responded quickly, accusing the campaign of censorship. The topics containing these comments were removed from the forum without a trace.

The Daily Kos suffered the same fate, so we're not in such bad company.

Keeping Our Promise to Seniors

Bush Urges Seniors to Get Back to Work

$9 Trillion National Debt Cited

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush signed a job-training bill into law Friday to ease the elderly back to work and "end senior loafing as we know it." Bush told a cheering group of nursing home residents that, "There is no free lunch. Cooking and cleaning keeps us fiscally fit and gives seniors moral fiber." Amidst much laughter he added that, "We all know you folks can't get too much fiber."

The newest jobs are ideally suited to the elderly, whose decreased capacities are a perfect match for the tediously monotonous routines favored by employers. GOP plans call for training elderly fry cooks, janitors, Wal-Mart greeters, and nuclear waste disposal experts. The latter is deemed appropriate for those of advanced age, since long gestation periods for cancer don't matter to seniors who will die soon anyway. (Full Story)

Bush campaign slogan: Maybe we're a little crazy, maybe we went to war with the wrong country, but you know we're going to get some bad guys. - Maureen Dowd

George W. Bush

Bush Vows to Print "As Much Money As It Takes" to Defeat Debt

Presses Groan Under Added Load

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush toured the Denver Mint on Wednesday as the nation's paper money presses reached capacity. "We can print unlimited money because it's really only paper," Bush assured nervous Wall Street analysts. "But we need the right equipment or we let the terrorists win."

Mint officials have ordered additional printing presses from Taiwan to keep up with surging demand. "We must print over a billion dollars a day to cover the $400 billion in red ink this year alone, and that puts enormous strain on our equipment," said Henrietta Fore, Director of the United States Mint. Mint officials are considering alternatives, such as a $200 bill, wooden nickels, and bartering with fowl. "We like to think outside the coop," winked Ms. Fore. (Full Story)

Kenneth Lay

Ken Lay Appointed Assistant Treasury Secretary

"Lay suffered enough," Bush Says

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush met briefly today with former Enron Chairman Ken Lay in the White House Rose Garden. Despite shouted objections from homeless former Enron employees outside the gates, Bush pardoned his loyal friend and offered him a job. "Who else can cook the books like Kenny boy," Bush grinned, "and who best to hide the mounting losses in our budget deficit?" (Full Story)

Joe Paterno and George W. Bush

Bush Raises Retirement Age to 82

Shortfall in Social Security Cited

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — President Bush called a press conference on Wednesday to announce his "Seniors Get Back to Work" program. His refreshing frankness indicates he is one of the few politicians willing to tell the truth about the coming bankruptcy of the Social Security system. "There's no longer any reason to hide the obvious," Bush admitted, "The tax cuts we gave to the hardest-working 1% have created an enormous problem with the solvency of our so-called safety net." (Full Story)

Bush's Bulge

Debate 1: Bush Slams Kerry, Reclaims Divine Status

President Says He Follows Iraq Disaster By Watching TV

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC — Looking like a cranky 5 year-old who hadn't had his afternoon nap President Bush opened the debating season by repeatedly slamming Senator John Kerry for not sharing his Divine status, dismissing him as a vacillating whimp far too weak to lead the nation.

Bush defended his decision to invade Iraq, saying the sacrifice made by 1,059 U.S. troops who have been killed there was "noble and worthy," as evidenced by endless bloody disaster and increasing prospects of a Taliban-style regime.

We're being challenged like never before, and we have a duty to our country and to future generations of Americans to achieve a free Iraq, a free Afghanistan and to rid the world of weapons of mass destruction, Bush said. His record indicates that the way to do that is to murder and destroy until these countries submit to U.S. puppet governments, at the same time tearing up arms control treaties and mass producing a new generation of weapons of mass destruction.

Very early in the debate, the president conceded that he understood everybody in this country doesn't agree with the decisions I've made, and I've made some tough decisions. But people know where I stand. The question of whether the President knows where he stands remained unaddressed. Many observers insist he hasn't the slightest clue what the policies of his own administration are.

Again and again during the debate, Bush charged that Kerry's inconsistent positions on the Iraq war -- after voting for a congressional resolution authorizing Bush to use force -- would make it difficult for him to function as commander-in-chief, taking particular aim at Kerry's recent statement that Iraq was the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time. Bush's position is that all U.S.-led wars are righteous, especially since 2001 when they have been directly mandated by God. (Full Story)

Bush Devastates Kerry in Debate

Debate 2: A Masterful Performance by President Bush in Round Two

Devastating Royal Logic Awes Senator Kerry,Voters

Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:14:47 am

Washington, DC - Quickly rebounding from his lackluster performance in the first debate, George W. Bush delivered a knockout blow in round two with an impeccable command of facts and logic that left Senator Kerry and the audience gasping at his Royal Insights. Though his Divine Debating Style can hardly be captured in words, a summary of King George's key points follows:

1. I don't think the Patriot Act abridges your rights at all.

A stunning insight that has eluded the best legal minds to date. The only thing the state is authorized to do to us that it wasn't before the era of the Patriot Act and secret military tribunal is: (1) arrest us without cause (2) hold us indefinitely without charge (3) subject us to secret military trial (4) replace juries with military officers (5) suspend rules of evidence (6) prevent us from witnessing our own trial (7) prevent us from seeing the evidence against us (8) convict us on hearsay (9) torture us (10) execute us in secret (11) execute our friends and associates for harboring us.

Nothing else has changed, not one little bit. (Full Story)



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