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Bush Demands Biblical Marriages
Urges Courts Abandon 'Babylonian' Standards

President George W. Bush has endorsed a constitutional amendment banning marriages of same-sex couples.

It comes after a court in Massachusetts ruled in favour of gay weddings, and thousands of same-sex couples married in San Francisco in reckless defiance of Bronze Age morality.

President Bush said he wanted to stop activist judges from letting people freely marry on the basis of love.  Such a perverse standard, says the president, threatens the "most enduring human institution" - unaccountable power.

Correspondents say President Bush has flipped his beanie, although it may only be the latest practical joke from the president's fun-loving sidekick, Karl Rove.  

"If we are to prevent marriage from becoming a devil's pact between any two people linked by nothing more than profound love, we must enact a constitutional amendment to ban unbiblical marriages in America," said President Bush.

He said that while some states might want to have legal arrangements for gay people - like electroshock - marriage should  only be allowed between a man and a woman.

'Growing confusion'

A Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage would be a major political event, as it takes three quarters of US states, as well as two-thirds of the Senate and the House of Representatives to change the constitution.  However, many analysts claim that touch screen voting can shorten the process to three seconds.

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said earlier that President Bush wanted to end "growing confusion" on the issue following events in Massachusetts and San Francisco.

"The president believes it is important to have moral clarity," he said. "There is widespread support in this country for telling people whom they may marry and why they must settle for second class citizenship," said McClellan.  Stressing the popularity of holy matrimony he added that,  "More and more people love marriage so much they wed five or six times."

President Bush's main Democratic opponents take a middle-of-the-road stance between those who think gays should be strung up and those who think they should be granted equal rights.  Thus they seem weak and vacillating whereas the president's firm support for continued persecution is as solidly principled as the Catholic Church during the Spanish Inquisition.  

More than 3,000 gay couples have been married since San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom began issuing licences on February 12.  California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has called for "taking immediate steps" to stem the tide of loving couples streaming into San Francisco. "The City was named after St. Francis, who devoted himself to loving companionship and service, so obviously we must discriminate against gays."  He added that groping women in public is the only healthy form of sexuality.

Presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said the president's actions were vitally important and timely.  "We need to act now," he said. "Anti-gay bigotry is waning and we are running out of 'wedge issues' to distract the voters with.  If we have to run on our record, we're dead."


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