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US


Bush 10 Point Plan for Economy

Author: Goal of More Gains in Losses

Posted: 10:38 AM (-0500 TZ)

WASHINGTON (GWB) --
President Bush held a press conference on Wednesday to announce his 10 Point plan to "get America back on top." His goal of one million more job losses by next year is attainable according to Wall Street insiders. "We've made some incredible gains in job losses during my first term, and our work isn't over yet," said Bush at a million dollar a plate GOP dinner in Dick Cheney's underground bunker. "We fully expect to achieve 100% unemployment right after the 2004 coup, excuse me, re-election campaign," the president added.

Highlights of the new Bush plan include:

  • Higher tax incentives for corporations to move offshore
  • Increased prescription medicine costs for small businesses
  • Higher college tuitions to weaken job recruits
  • Exporting the U.S. tax base
  • Introducing nuclear-warhead-backed bonds
  • Offering three-generation home mortgages
  • Putting Social Security in duct tape futures
  • Providing adjustable rate Enronized pensions
  • Issuing Bull and Bear "evildoer" certificates
  • Celebrating floating rate coolie wages

To really be competitive with China, labor analysts point out, U.S. wages must fall by ninety percent. "The only way we will get there is through bludgeoning people's expectations," said Secretary of Commerce Don Evans, "and the President's plan is an important first step." Evans stressed getting beyond the rampant entitlement mentality in the USA, which encourages people to believe they have a right to live even if they can't prostitute themselves to the rich. Nothing could be further from the truth. "A Responsibility Society requires that people recognize they have no rights beyond what they can scramble for in the market," said Evans. "It may feel like a mountain of crabs in a bucket, but that and only that is liberty," he added.

Meanwhile, Citizens For Free Labor, a Bush-supportive industry trade association, has found merit in China's prison labor system. "If you want to eliminate jobs," commented Jeffrey Deskilling, "the most direct method is to eliminate wages. That way you have a class of producers whose consumption needs are minimal and a class of profit-takers whose gains are maximal."

Sociologist Jon Slayton concurred, pointing out that an efficient society is a properly specialized society. "Some people are better suited to gluttonous consumption, while others excel in providing the slave labor that makes it possible. The U.S.A is currently a model of this kind of efficiency."

God Bless America and re-elect Emperor Bush!

 

Reference: Minor Political Parties

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