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Ken Lay Appointed Assistant Treasury Secretary

Author: "Lay suffered enough," Bush says

Posted: 10:35 AM (-0500 TZ)

President Bush met briefly today with former Enron Chairman Ken Lay in the White House Rose Garden. Despite shouted objections from homeless former Enron employees outside the gates, Bush pardoned his loyal friend and offered him a job. "Who else can cook the books like Kenny boy," Bush grinned, "and who best to hide the mounting losses in our budget deficit?"

The appointment makes sense in the wake of longstanding White House support for convicted embezzler Ahmed Chalabi to head up the Iraqi Finance Ministry. Like Chalabi, Lay knows the ins and outs of fraud and can make sure the job is done right.

An upbeat Lay announced that he is fully prepared to take on his new responsibilities, advising the president to refer to the ballooning deficit as "austerity enhancement." He insisted that the fiscal outlook for the nation has never been brighter, citing Andersen Accounting's recent report showing a $3 trillion surplus.

Bush, the most business-friendly President in recent memory, has decided not to prosecute those who contributed to his previous campaigns. "Loyalty counts more than legality in this administration," observed White House Spokesman Mark McClelland, and Ken Lay has proven his loyalty time and time again."

After the ceremony Bush traveled with Lay to one of his multimillion dollar vacation homes in Aspen to plan his "October suprise" for the upcoming election. Speculation has it that he will stage a televised electrocution of Saddam Hussein on the White House lawn just as voters go to the polls.


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