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Bush Repeals Child Labor Laws

Author: Toddlers Must End 'Parasitic Lifestyle' Says President

Posted: 10:37 AM (-0500 TZ)

President Bush asked Congress today to pass a bill requiring children born into debt to start work at the age of three. "It's only fair to taxpayers that the young pitch in as soon as possible to clear up their portion of the national debt," Bush lectured. Citing plans to end children's "cycle of dependency," he called for pre-birth job training for American youth, explaining that self-sufficiency just "can't be learned too early."

Going on to praise the free market principle of "comparative advantage," Bush argued that children are uniquely suited to perform tasks adults have difficulty with, like wriggling down narrow mine shafts and living inside a tank for prolonged desert wars. "America's children understand that they are better able than their elders to mine coal and blast evildoers to Kingdom Come," said Bush. The President has outlined a whole series of child vocations, including plans for door-to-door Christianizers and child prison guards in proliferating mini-jails incarcerating kids of evildoers.

Tragedy struck the promising new program, however, when little Sammy Franklin (8), of Cleveland, Ohio, made a mistake assembling a daisy cutter for the Air Force, inadvertently launching the Bush Administration's new slum clearance program by demolishing 23 square blocks of the downtown area.


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