Bush Repeals Child Labor Laws
Author: Toddlers Must End 'Parasitic Lifestyle' Says President
WASHINGTON (GWB) --
President Bush asked Congress today to pass a bill requiring children born into
debt to start work at the age of three. "It's only fair to taxpayers that the
young pitch in as soon as possible to clear up their portion of the national
debt," Bush lectured. Citing plans to end children's "cycle of dependency," he
called for pre-birth job training for American youth, explaining that
self-sufficiency just "can't be learned too early."
Going on to praise the free market principle of "comparative advantage," Bush
argued that children are uniquely suited to perform tasks adults have difficulty
with, like wriggling down narrow mine shafts and living inside a tank for
prolonged desert wars. "America's children understand that they are better able
than their elders to mine coal and blast evildoers to Kingdom Come," said Bush.
The President has outlined a whole series of child vocations, including plans
for door-to-door Christianizers and child prison guards in proliferating
mini-jails incarcerating kids of evildoers.
Tragedy struck the promising new program, however, when little Sammy Franklin
(8), of Cleveland, Ohio, made a mistake assembling a daisy cutter for the Air
Force, inadvertently launching the Bush Administration's new slum clearance
program by demolishing 23 square blocks of the downtown area.